Internet People Aren't Real

my comic about rape jokes.

thingofthings:

i’ll go back to dumb cartoons of ugly people soon i swear

(via smallworld5k)

How do you accidentally call yourself a racial slur? Well I’ll tell you.

My first day at my new job I was sharing an office with the mutual acquaintance who had gotten me the job. While we are both diligently working on our own projects, I popped my knuckles, as I tend to do, loudly and obnoxiously. I’m aware this bugs the hell out of some people. So afterwards, I turn to her and say,

“Yeah… sorry about that, I’m a bit of a cracker.”

To which she just turned around and stared at me. Apparently she didn’t even hear my knuckles pop.

If there is an Awkward Crown, I demand it be awarded to me. Your Cracker Queen awaits.

I’m having an existential crisis.

Stay tuned. Or don’t. I won’t know. And I probably won’t elaborate.

What does it all MEEEEEANNN????

Whims

About a month ago, I was chatting with one of my best friends who moved to NYC a year ago. Her birthday is 5/11, and she was kind of bummed because every year she has a “palooza” the week of her birthday, and it seemed like no one was going to be able to really hang for it. Her roommate of the past 6 years is about to move out to live with her boyfriend, so it’s also the end of an era there. I suppose she felt lonely. So, on a whim, I decided to check flight prices for the week of her birthday. The show I was working on was about to wrap, and a round trip was less than my car payment. Whim: Go to NYC for a week because fuck it why not.

It was an amazing trip. We went to Bowl Train Night at The Brooklyn Bowl (a bar/club/bowling alley/restaurant), which just happened to be featuring one of my favorite bands’ music all night, The Beastie Boys, in honor of the late Adam Yauch. They called it The Beastie Bowl, and it was more fun than I can explain. We went to see Sister Act on Broadway, and I discovered Raven Simone can actually sing. Really really well it turns out. Superbly fun show. One of our friends from college has been working on putting up a show that she co-wrote, produced, directed, and acted in for the past 3 years, and it finally went up. We were fortunate enough to see the closing night, and it. was. PHENOMENAL. Super proud theatre school props to her. We hung out at the Brooklyn flea market, drank champagne on the rooftop at night, checked out her new neighborhood in Ft. Green, and talked about way too intense topics over tray loads of mimosas. Really couldn’t have asked for a better experience. 

Three days ago I received a phone call from the girl who just hired me for another project starting in June, asking if I could start this week. I have a butt load of stuff yet to do in helping my mom to move and otherwise get my shit together, and I thought I’d have another two and a half weeks to get it done before I’d go back to work. Apparently, they need someone to take over housing while she’s on vacation, and while it’s something I’ve never handled before, they need someone to step in. Could’ve said no, but that felt like handing myself the short end of a stick by refusing to learn something new. Whim: Take on a position I have no experience in that I could feasibly fail miserably at.

It’s going pretty well. I’m only one day in, but I’ve already gotten praise for being good at making contacts, and sounding professional. Also have been handed recruiting and setting up interviews, and my ideas for that have gotten major kudos from the big boss. Nothing Earth shattering, but it feels good to do well with something I’ve never done before. Also my ability to jump in so well so quickly is leading them to push for me to get a kit rental and a car rental… which PAs don’t usually get. So that’s also a bonus.

Two days ago, I woke up after being back from NYC for a couple days and just felt gross. My energy was down, I didn’t have much of an appetite, I was cranky, my skin was breaking out, my sleep schedule was messed up, and my digestion was out of whack. So upon waking in this state for the third day in a row, I had a (you guessed it) Whim: Go back on the allergy detox I did to discover my gluten sensitivity for a week or so just to clear my system out.

I mean I had to go grocery shopping anyway. It seemed to make sense at the time. I skipped the 2 day fast/liquid diet part because eff that mess. After two days of it, I can’t really say that I feel better, but I do remember feeling worse before I felt better last time. Though I do feel proud of myself that I’ve been able to just make the decision and actually follow through with it. My APOC was so annoyed by my healthy eating habits. She said she was glad I’d be done with this detox by the time she got back from Aruba so she wouldn’t feel like such a fatty watching me eat carrots and hummus. I can tell we’re going to get along really well.

I guess the point of all this is, in the past few months I’ve been saying yes to my random whims that feel like they will be exciting, challenging, or in some way scary, but all in a good way. The trip to NYC was a big unnecessary expense, but I knew it would soothe my soul to spend time with my friend and be in the city again. Starting a job early would put me in a time crunch in my personal life and challenge me with new responsibilities, but also force me to get my act together and learn new skills for future work. The detox is unnecessary but will be so very worth it a week from now when I start feeling amazing again. 

Opening up to opportunity and possibility. The risk is worth the reward. There is no try, only do. Teach a man to fish, etc. It’s all very cliche I realize, but it’s a transition for me, and one I’m excited to make. And it’s not marked by some huge change in my life, but my friends and family can see the difference in me, and comment on it often. It’s a shift from fear-based thinking to faith-based thinking, is the best way I know how to put it. Instead of making decisions based on all the things that could go wrong, I’m making decisions based on all the potential benefits. And it’s making a monumental difference in my life.

Optimistically Yours,

babytree.

I am from North Carolina, and I am fucking ashamed.

Today, somehow, Amendment One was passed. I feel like attacking the small mindedness and the miseducation of the vast number of voters is overdone and pointless. The fact is that for whatever reason, the majority of the people who showed up to the polls voted for an amendment to our state constitution which sets us back many decades. The fact is that women, widows, widowers, and people in common law marriages are having their personal rights and freedoms stripped away under the guise of preventing gay marriage. This is not cause for celebration. Tonight is a night for grieving. 

Anyone in NC has driven around their towns and cities in the past several months and seen VOTE AGAINST signs in yards, been beaten over the head with VOTE AGAINST messages on their facebook, seen bumper stickers, signs in shop windows, received emails, asked to sign petitions, everything you can imagine to spread the word to stop such a hateful amendment from being made a part of our state’s constitution. Yet I have never seen a VOTE FOR sign. Not received a single VOTE FOR message or email. Not heard a single person disagree when I have very vocally expressed my issues with the amendment. Yet they outvoted us. This is what bothers me.

There is a nonvocal majority in this state that doesn’t need to spread its message. It’s raising its children, preaching to its congregations, and teaching its students these insidious messages about hate and oppression and the rights of the few. They don’t have to argue. We’re screaming at a mountain expecting it to move. I feel utterly powerless. I’m sure a lot of people do. That’s a dangerous feeling for people to have en masse.

My natural inclination is to talk about revolution. I was raised by a bra burning feminist, it’s my nature. But the fact is I’m too comfortable for revolution. Most everyone is. I have no desire to get married to either a man or a woman, so the thought of sharing insurance, receiving pension benefits or anything like that is of no personal concern to me. And if any man ever laid a hand on me, I’d shoot him in the cock and I’d be in prison, so receiving shelter from an abusive relationship also isn’t at the forefront of my mind. But the number of people who rely on these benefits and programs is astronomical. The number of people who could become homeless, or who will have to switch to some other form of federal aid, or the number of women who will now be even more dependent on their abusers… the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.

I wonder how many people who voted for this amendment understood the ramifications of what they were voting for. I have to believe, for my own peace of mind, that the people voting for this amendment only looked at it as a way to stop gay marriage because it’s against their religion. I disagree with that logic on a number of levels, but that is not the point. To strip a widow of her rights to her spouse’s pension. To deny an abused woman the ability to seek shelter from her abuser because she hasn’t married him. To strip someone of the health insurance they’ve been relying on for treatment if they don’t get married… I genuinely don’t understand how someone with a conscience can do that to another human being willfully. I don’t. 

Like I said, tonight is a night for grieving. The hardships that are about to face thousands of North Carolinians are innumerable. I know progress takes time and will always encounter setbacks, but to rewind the civil rights clock 50 or 60 years? I may be naive, but I just didn’t see that one coming.

Regretfully Yours in NC,

babytree.